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NOAH AND THE ARK In the year 2010, the Lord came unto
Noah, who was now living in Malaysia
, and said: "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before
me.
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying,
"You have 6 months to
build the Ark before I start the un-ending rain for 40
days and 40 nights."Six months later, the Lord looked
down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but with no Ark.
"Noah!" He
roared,
"I'm about to start the
rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord",
begged Noah,
"but things have changed.
"First I need to have a BUMIPUTRA
PARTNER who is linked to
UMNO.
Then I need a building
permit
from DBKL
and I also have to pay under-counter money to get the permit
.
Then I've been arguing
with the BOMBA inspector about the need for a sprinkler
system. "My neighbours complained
to
The Malay Utasan about the height
of the Ark I was going to build and the next day it was in
the media headlines claiming that I've violated the
neighbourhood building by-laws -
that my Ark exceeds the height
limitations.
"I appealed
to the magistrate
and it was finally approved." "The Opposition took
advantage of the situation and said I was a government crony and did nasty things with my face on the
Internet. I don't know how they super-imposed my face
on a naked body of a MP and put it on YOUTUBE.
Oh Lord, only you who
are all-knowing, know that I had nothing to do
with these MPs.
"Then there was another stop-work
order even before I could start work.
The
Badan Cegah Rasuah arrested
me for pornography. I talked to a lawyer who
looks like Ambitah Bachan, talks like him, acts like him
but is not him. He said he knows the Chief Justice and the Prime Minister, the Apa Nama and can clear my
name but I have to buy
them air tickets to Australia.
"After clearing my name ... I had to
go to the DBKL Appeal Board again
for a decision to allow me to build the
Ark.
"The government, after approving
the plans, said I must use only
SIRIM-approved goods and must only buy from their
list of CLASS F contractors which are 15 times more expensive than the Normal hardware shop.
"Then the TNB
and JPJ demanded a
bond be posted for future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the
sea would be coming to us but they laughed and would hear
nothing of it.
"Getting the wood
was another problem. SUKHAM and the
JABATAN HUTAN NEGARA said
there's a ban on cutting local trees to save the orang
utan. I tried to convince SUKHAM
and JABATAN HUTAN
NEGARA that I needed the wood to save the orang
utan – but they said no
go.
"When I started gathering
the
animals,
JAKIM
and
an Animal Rights Group sued me.
"JAKIM said I cannot put the chickens and the pigs next to each other as it
WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED HALAL and the Animal Rights Group insisted that I was
confining wild animals against their will.
They argued that the
accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
"Then JABATAN
KERJA RAKYAT AND JABATAN
KAJIAN dan GALIAN
ruled that I
couldn't build the Ark until they had conducted an environmental
impact
study on your proposed flood.
"I'm still trying to
resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission
on how many bumiputra
contractors I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. "JABATAN
IMMIGRASI and RELA
are checking the status of most of the people who want to
work. "The trade
unions say I can not use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only union
workers with Ark-building
experience.
"As I started to clear
the area to build the ark,
6 gangsters came and
demanded protection money. They said they control the area for selling drugs and prostitution to my workers.
"When I complained to the POLIS...
the IGP of POLIS sent an ASP who came in full uniform the
next day. Unfortunately,
he also happened to be one
from the six gangsters who demanded protection
money. They doubled my protection fee.
"Then
there was a by-election and I
was forced to be an UMNO
member in order to get my permits approved and
I was made to pay a donation by the Barisan candidate in the so called spirit of MUHIBBAH.
Otherwise, he will make my life difficult.
"Every department I turned to is asking for what they call, 'Kopi
Wang'.
"I calculated that if I had to pay all
the 'Kopi wang' and give the donation,
the cost of building the ARK will be 20 times higher.
I refused to give them the Kopi Wang as I
am faithful to you, Oh Lord.
"Then some top level
politicians were very disappointed with me for
not giving donations
and called me a murtad but I
told them my name is Noah not murtad. They got very
angry and said they have connections. "Suddenly, I am a suspect behind
the murder of the Mongolian
lady because the place
where she was murdered happens to be on the land where I am
going to build the Ark. So I was arrested.
"To
make matters worse, the Jabatan
HASIL seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country
illegally with endangered
species. I have just been released from ISA.
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10
years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up
in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to
destroy the world?"
"No," said the
Lord. "The Current Government is already doing it
for me!"
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